作者：Jordan Dotson
链接：撰写留学申请的个人陈述 （PS, personal statement）时有哪些常见的误区？
来源：小社区
著作权归作者所有，转载请联系作者获得授权
想申请名校或者想写出最好文书的同学。毋庸置疑一篇好文书会提高你的录取几率。如果你有大把的时间，你可以读一些如何写文书的书，比如 On Writing The College Application Essay by Harry Bauld,Conquering the College Admissions Essay in 10 Steps by Alan Gelb,或者我的书 “美国常春藤名校录取”（封面很丑，哈哈）。如果没有时间，那么可以看一下我的回答
故事第一
选择你的文书题目不要像简历一样列出你的课外活动。重要的话说再说一遍：不要像简历一样列出你的课外活动。也不要列一堆模糊的，抽象的概念，比如teamwork,leadership这类。不要觉得招生官会喜欢看这些。他们完全不care你在模联“学到”什么。他们认为你在贫困山区做志愿者无非是富人孩子的假期。那类你做过的teamproject that shows great leadership？招生官看到都要哭了－太无聊了。
事实上，不要写任何和你的奖项，成绩，课外活动相关的东西。不要写！除非你有非常强的创意写作功底，或者你在Elon Musk的公司做暑假实习，否者很难很难很难把你的成绩、课外活动写的meaningful。这类的文书只会显得你很幼稚。
那该如何写呢？就写你自己。不要试着去迎合任何人。试想描述你的一天，用一种作为读者的我能够真正理解你的方式。你是这部电影主角，或者小说的主人公。你要让你的读者－招生官有一直看下去或者读下去的兴趣。
如果你是一个精力旺盛的人，那么告诉我能够充分体现你精力旺盛的一天。如果你是一个内向的、安静的人，晚上会因为想事情而睡不着。那么告诉我你经历过的最黑暗的噩梦。告诉你的读者你是如何成为今天的你的。如果你一直都是一个运动神经很烂的人，但是有一天，你突然决定去游泳，被水呛到、窒息，但是还是达成了目标。这个故事就非常棒。
这看起来很装逼，而且反直观。但是，它管用。事实上，艺术性的处理会让读者爱上这篇文章。它真的管用。
现在谈一下结构。
你的文书的形态是什么样的？我从没见过一个学生在写文书之前能够回答这个问题。而这是我们的教育的巨大失败。就像每一个伟大的电影都有它的形态和方向。文书也是一样，需要大纲，需要计划！
去百度“戏剧结构”或者“弗莱塔格的金字塔”。
除了很著名的5段线性发展结构－exposition, rising action, climax,falling action, denouement（类似于中文的起承转合）－你需要构思文书结构以满足你的需要。我比较喜欢的结构是：action,background, conflict, deep thinking, and ending
Action：还记得你想写的那段故事吗？你想和读者分享的那段经历。那么你就要写一段最美丽，有视觉感，有细节的故事。思考“5种味道”－视觉、听觉、嗅觉、触觉、味觉。这些感觉把我们带入你的世界。就像契诃夫说的“不要告诉我月亮在发亮，给我展示月亮在破碎的玻璃上的反射的微光。
Background：很简单。直接告诉我们为什么这个场景对你重要，用感情说话。有什么重要的元素隐藏在这个故事中，而这些能够体现你是谁。
Conflict: 同样很简单。比如，你开始学游泳，但是总是呛水，水进到了你的肺里。。。
Deep Thinking: 这是我最喜欢的部分。这部分应该就像标题一样：深度思考。你的故事在广义上意味着什么？还拿游泳举例。在这个世界上还有谁有类似的经历？为什么Matthew Webb在1875年游过英吉利海峡？那么，上个月在香港没有游过维多利亚港的不幸青年呢？
Ending: 我没办法告诉你如何结尾。也许还是比较具象、描写的、细节的，呼应开头。你也可以用直白的结尾。但是，不管怎样，这是你的故事。只有你能够掌控如何结尾。一旦你完成了深度思考的部分，你自然知道怎么结尾了。
当你做到以上这些时，祝贺你。你已经是一位会讲故事的人了。你的申请文书会让招生官读了之后说“哇，我喜欢这个孩子。”
Whoa! Huge question. I'm going to assume that you'retargeting top universities and want to write the best essay possible. That is,an essay that actually increases your chance of admission. I'm alsogoing to assume you have looming deadlines, and thus, don't have time to read On Writing The College Application Essay by HarryBauld, Conquering the College Admissions Essay in 10Steps by Alan Gelb, or my book (the one with the ugly cover, ha).
If all this is true, then you need to focus on two things:structure and story.
Story first.
In choosing a topic for your essay, do not, I repeat...DONOT...try to write a resume' list of your activities, or try to write about abunch of vague, abstract concepts (teamwork, leadership, etc) that you think anadmissions office will like. They don't care about how much you"learned" at Model UN. They think your experience volunteering in apoor rural village is presumptuous (a rich kid's vacation). And that team projectyou were assigned, the one where you showed great leadership and a capacity forteamwork? Yes, that's so boring it makes AOs want to cry.
In fact, do not write about ANYTHING that's presented onyour Awards/Honors/Activities list. Just don't. Without a very long, deepeducation in creative writing, or without having spent the summer conductinglab research with Elon Musk, it's almost impossible to write about thoseactivities in a meaningful way. These sorts of essays make you lookshort-sighted and juvenile. It's true. Be careful.
Instead, just write about you. Don't try to impress anybody.Just try to be honest. Let's just choose one day in your life, and write aboutthat day in such a way that I, the reader, really understand you as acharacter. You are a character in a novel. You are a character in a movie. Makeus want to read that novel. Make us want to watch the rest of that movie.
Are you a pretty energetic, upbeat person? Then let's writeabout a day when you were really upbeat and energetic. Are you aquiet, introverted person who has trouble sleeping at night because you worryabout things? Let's write about the darkest night of the soul you've ever had.Let's write about the YOU that your parents don't know. Let's write about theYOU that your teachers have never met. Let's write about who you are whenyou're dreaming at night. Have you been a terrible athlete your entire life, butall of a sudden, one day, all by yourself, you decided to swim across the lakeby yourself anyway, and almost drowned? Oooh...great story. I like that.
This may seem counter-intuitive, but it works. Honest,artful writing makes the reader fall in love. Trust me. It works. It really,really, really, really works.
Now - structure.
What is the shape of your essay? I've never met a singlestudent who could answer this question before having written their essay, andthat's a great failure in our education system. Just like every wonderful movieyou've ever seen, your essay should have a shape and a direction. It needs anoutline. It needs a plan!
Get on Baidu and search for "dramatic structure"or "Freytag's pyramid."This outline has worked for history's greatest writers for thousands ofyears. Let's use it!
Instead of those famous five linear sections - exposition,rising action, climax, falling action, denouement - you're going to tailor thesections (or paragraphs?) of your essay to suit your own needs. I like: action,background, conflict, deep thinking, and ending.
Action: remember that story from your life we thought aboutearlier? That one moment in time? Here you're going to write about that in themost effusive, beautiful, graphic detail possible. Think "5 senses" -sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. Bring us into that world. As Anton Chekhovfamously said: "Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint oflight on broken glass."
Background: Easy - tell us directly why this scene isimportant for you, in an emotional way. What is the ominous underlying conflictthat made this story truly representative of who you are?
Conflict: Also easy - you start swimming across the lake.You flail. Water gurgles into your lungs.
Uh oh.
Deep Thinking: This is my favorite section, and it should beexactly as it sounds. Think deeply. How does your experience resonate in alarger context? Who else in the world has had a similar experience? Why didCaptain Matthew Webb swim across the English Channel in 1875? How about thosepoor, unfortunate souls who died in the Hong Kong cross-harbor swim last month?
Ending: well, I can't tell you how to end your essay. Itshould probably retain some of the graphical, beautiful detail ofthe introduction. We call that circularity, and it's quite nice. But really,this is your story, and only you know how it ends. Once you finish the deepthinking section, you're going to know how to end it. You'll feel the impulsedeep within you.
When that happens - congratulations. You're now astoryteller, and you've now written an application essay that will make readerssit back and say "wow - I love this kid.”
![]()
|
转播
